Another drop added, only a ocean to fill now

Silence. Not even the wind fills my ears. I float weightless and close my eyes blocking out as much light as possible. I feel waves wash over my body and a breeze cools my chest and face as it passes over the water. I'm startled as a noise breaks into the void I've created. Ripping me back to reality i lift my head from the water and smile at friends who laugh and talk by the side of the pool.

I'm finally in. After years of planning and savings I've finally managed to move into my own place. These last years have been some of the most stressful I've faced in a long time. Owning your own place changes you completely. Whereas once you looked at a seat as a place to rest now you look at it as a decorate. Everything seems to have new meanings.

I did a walk through of the local hardware store and nearly cried with the thoughts of everything that is to come before i can be happy in this new place. So much work done so much more to come.

Vacation. It's what i need. The offer to spend the weekend on a houseboat although with strangers is too appealing to pass up. It seems strange that when I finally have my own place all I want is to take some time away from it.

Can't we stop at the top and enjoy the view?

Looks like the roller-coaster that are my emotions is on a high. Things seem to be taking a turn for the better. A weekend with the same crew gave new insights to past actions I've never understood but now take to heart to try and forge myself into a more careful person. I think I finally have a understanding of the rock but a whole new world has been opened to my mind with the thought of that rock skipping across a pond. Ripples form and waves are crashed into the shore of life.

Reconnecting with the energies around me

I've been feeling distant to the people around me of late. Disconnected from people who i count on as my power base. My mind keeps thinking of what could be and it pains me to think what might not.

I spent the new years with what should be considered my very close friends. Drinks where had and jokes where told. But the warmth and energy I used to feel doesn't seem to exist anymore. I think it's mainly from me. Clouds from my teenage years loom over my head, deep down I want the storm to come just so it passes. Fear of being washed away is all too real. I'm lost. I know the path that lays before me but I can't seem to pick a direction. Instead of making a mistake I procrastinate and loose any hope of choice I think I could have.

I need to find my center again. Maybe i should just jump into the void and see where I land. Terrifying as it seems. I seek guidance but know that I'm the only one who can lead me on this path. Everyone gives directions but none know the way.